Exactly one year ago, I remember being terrified, yet so excited to finally meet you. I was so scared of what was to come. I knew you would need very special critical care, and I knew you would have to endure so much in your short time of life. You were born via emergency c-section at 9:40am, February 1st, 2017.
I didn’t get to hold you right away.. as much as I longed to. A few minutes after you were born, the nurse held you near me so I could see and talk to you. When I was finally able to hold you, for a split second everything seemed normal. Until they rushed you off to the NICU for monitoring… Then I was missing you.. counting down the hours until I could come hold you again.
I’m so sorry for what you had to go through, sweet girl. We chose to give you a fighting chance, and you fought like hell. You are the strongest and bravest little girl I have ever met. You have inspired me.. you taught me to never take anything in life for granted. And that anything can happen in the blink of an eye. You showed me, without words, what it is to love and fight. Because of you, I count my blessings and try to live life to the fullest. Because now I know that tomorrow is not promised.
I hate that you had to leave us… I miss you every second of every day. I will always wonder who you would have been… what you would look like now, what your little voice would sound like, and how much you would resemble your big sisters. We should be watching you play in your birthday cake, and helping you open your presents today. We would give anything to have you here again.
Having a baby with a life threatening condition changes you. It brings out strength in you that you never knew you had, it makes you appreciate the little things in life, it makes you fear that every memory you make together may be your last, and it teaches you that miracles do happen.
You are my miracle… my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye. I am forever grateful that you were a part of my life. If even just for a moment. Heaven and earth may separate us today, but nothing will ever change the fact that you made me a mom . I love you so much, my sweet angel. Happy 1st birthday in Heaven. 💜